In today’s edition of adventures in mediocre parenting, we will take a look at the seemingly simple task of getting out the door and getting everyone to school/work on time and decently presentable.
On a Wednesday morning that from the outside looks like any other, turmoil is building.
The two middle school students have a “mandatory” show choir practice before school. This, of course, means that everyone in the house will be running 5-8 minutes late.
The elementary student announces it is picture day, obviously. Mom remembers this and spends time in a towel looking through a laundry basket for “picture appropriate” clothes in the hope to prevent what happened last time.
Finally, as mom is finishing her hair, and calling down the hallway to put shoes on, everyone says they are ready.
Mom reminds them the temperature has dropped 20* since yesterday, and coats are required. This is Iowa after all. One middle school child announces they left their coat at school. The elementary child decides to eat pancakes instead. The other middle school child comes out of their room in a fleece jacket and appears personally insulted when the coat conversation is repeated.
Preparing to walk out the door, mom glances at the elementary picture day child to find that the pancakes have left their peanut buttery mark all over the picture approved shirt.
Mom begins to clean it off.
Middle school sibling starts to lose their cool over the fact that they will be late for show choir.
Mom sends the child to start the car, to calm child, and because this is Iowa.
The child starts the car. Mom comes out to find other siblings outside the car yelling for sibling inside the car to open the door. Sibling inside the car is yelling that the doors are open.
Mom says, “Unlock the door.” Child inside the car is now on the edge of crying that the car is unlocked.
It is not.
Mom asks how child got in since the doors appear to be frozen shut (this is Iowa). Child says that he got the back driver’s side door open. (Backstory, this door has it’s own mind and only opens when it feel led to.)
The door will in fact not open. Mom gets the tailgate of the vehicle open. All climb in from the back, including mom.
Once inside, the doors will not open, or unlock. Child in the back cannot figure out how to close the tailgate, and mom decides she does not, in fact, want to climb out of the tailgate at her work.
Mom moves the vehicle (with tailgate wide open) to the other side of the driveway and takes the other car.
Calls owner of the car to tell him the story. He says, “Way cool, do you know my heater isn’t working?”
Everyone is where they are supposed to be. Slightly rattled, but delivered appropriately.
Happy Wednesday everyone!